Ready for Bed
I am always so damn tired.
Despite constant reminders from my amazing, graceful, wise, gorgeous girlfriend to get my sleep schedule in order, I have yet to do so. There’s just so much to do. Plus, as I noted yesterday, I’m a bit of a serial procrastinator.
I go to bed too late, even when I’m on time, and I’ve practically worn a hole in my phone screen hitting the snooze button. I can never seem to get enough.
I find myself waking up already thinking about the next time I can lie down and sleep. I can never just catch up.
I also wish I had dreams. I haven’t had a real dream, at least not to my recollection, in some time. My beautiful, thoughtful, talented, wonderful girlfriend thinks that it is because my nose is a bit crooked and it inhibits my ability to hit a good REM cycle. She may be right, maybe. I constantly wake myself up from snoring too hard or too loud.
I want to dream. I want the escape and the stories and the weird encounters that you can’t find anywhere else. I haven’t even read a book yet where I could fly, but I was also a mouse, until I wasn’t, and my eyes were also super sleepy, and I’d forgotten to wear a shirt to second grade. That only happens in a dream.
I want to dream because I sat here at my computer for an hour thinking about what to write and all I could come up with is that I’m exhausted. It’s 9:48pm at this point in the post, and all I can think about is my pillow and having to wake up in less than eight hours.
Sometimes I feel like a high-functioning zombie.
While my circadian rhythm is surely a bit off kilter, I am sure I do myself few favors by maintaining the schedule I do. It’s a standard that I am moderately-to-severely busy. I work, coach, volunteer, play D&D, hang out with my incredible, compassionate, dazzling, clever girlfriend, spend time with my little brother, and too much else. Sometimes I need a break, but the fact of the matter is that I like being busy. I hate it, don’t get me wrong, but I love it. I love doing things, I love being helpful, and I love seeing the people that I love.
So I have to resolve to do something. I could get over it and stop complaining; I could get my nose fixed; I could quit doing so much; I could stop procrastinating on things like my blog and learn a little time management.
I’ll probably opt for some blend. For now, I’ll opt for the pillow. I’m beat.
9:56pm. It wasn’t pretty, but I met my goal again. Goodnight, all. Get some sleep.